Navigating Love & Marriage from Different Backgrounds

I come from a broken home. A blended family. Whatever you want to call it. My parents weren’t together. And growing up, I always thought I’d end up with another man who came from a broken home.

It always seemed like having your parents together was almost like an elite club that you had to be lucky to be part of. And people whose parents were together only wanted to be with other people whose parents were also together.

Even now, when I think back to the men I had serious relationships or connections with in the past, all of them also came from a broken home. I think it went beyond just the judgment you get from people whose parents were still married– it was almost a special bond you shared. Deep conversations to have.

• “Why didn’t your parents work out?”
• “How did you cope?”
• “What did you learn from their mistake(s)?”

This wasn’t just something I felt in middle or high school, but continued on into college and even young adulthood. When I started dating Myles, I actually remember the moment I realized he was the first man I had a serious relationship with whose parents were married and had been for 30+ years. It was new to me, just like my background was new to him.

It wasn’t until he and I got to know each other more that I realized how different my life was from what he knew. I want to say basically all the people in his life have parents that are still together. So it was all new to him when I described my cross-country trips to visit my dad once every couple years, or the struggles I watched my mom go through as she raised me by herself.

What I thought would always be the stories that would scare off a man who only knew stable relationships was instead an admiration of what me and my mother went through to be who we are today. An appreciation to know that just because one part of life is considered broken by society doesn’t stay that way forever. In areas where things are lacking, other things thrive. While I didn’t have a close relationship with my father growing up, I grew extremely close to my mother and had a special relationship with her that I know a lot of girls didn’t and still don’t have. He didn’t just see the bad, but the good there too.

I think Myles and I coming from different backgrounds and having unique outlooks on relationships is actually very healthy. I think we both bring our realistic views to our decision-making, and it helps to hear the other person’s thoughts.

Coming from a broken home, it was always apparent to me that everything can and likely will end. So it’s always a thought in the back of my head. But with Myles, who has only seen two people work through struggles and challenges, it’s always the obvious choice to fight for things to be perfect.

I think it’s helped us both think about life differently. I no longer am ready to just give up when things get a little harder. And I think Myles knows that when things get too hard, it’s okay to give up because life will go on and will end up working itself out sooner or later.

One day, when we have our own family, I want to tell our kids all about their mom’s broken family, and their dad’s parents who stayed together for decades and decades. I think there’s a lot of good lessons to learn from both, and I’m very proud that the two of us can give them that.

XOXO,
Crys